settled

"So when are you planning to settle down?"

"I am settled"

"No, not like this, when are you planning to settled down in life?"

"Not sure what you mean by settled down in life? What makes you think that I am not settled?"
"I have a career, I have friends, family, an apartment, no pets, some bank balance - what more is needed to feel settled in life?"

"Well, all this is not enough. You need to have a husband and a family of your own to be settled in life?"

"So whatever I have does not matter? My parents are not my family, my career and education is not important and the feeling of being settled is contingent on a MAN!!"

Perplexed and confused.

Patronizing explaination follows.

"It does, but only after you have a family of your own. Your parents are not going to be around for ever. You will not be able to derive the satisfaction that people get from a husband and family only from your career. You have not experienced your womanhood completely yet. To be a complete woman, you need to have the experience of childbirth and motherhood."

"Reallllllyyyyy????"

lost

He had come into my life one day and today I think I have lost him...
Though I think I never had him in the first place...
these things are so difficult to know sometimes...yet some find it easy or so they say...
These days I am not sure about anything...but then when was I ever!!

So when he had said "I love you" ~ I had not reacted...because I was not sure what to say or do...I was not sure if he was saying it because he really meant it or was it just because he had no other experience or exposure to anyone else...If he had been unable to explore options...how was he to know that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me without really knowing me at all or again so I thought....and thus no reaction...

He said that again after some time...and again I gave him no reaction. This time it was me not really sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him especially now that I knew that we were very different. I am sure he was aware of it too...yet he said it again and I was taken aback. Foolish me or reckless him....not sure...

And now, some time later...I know that I can spend the rest of my life with him...it is not going to be easy...but I know that he adores me and will stand by me through thick or thin....through fun and sad times....although we will still have problems understanding each other, for he wants me to read between lines and I want him to be upfront and say it...use semantics to express himself....and he wants meta-communication...big problem!! And this is not it....

But what is the point in all this...I know that he has drifted away....his behavior has changed.
He no longer is waiting for me or my answer...and I do not blame him for it....I am not sure if I would have stuck around for as long as he did in the first place...

Yet ~ I am not sure when I will ever have the guts to take this risk in life....when will I be ready for a commitment...

But for now I wish him all the best and hope he finds in life what he is looking for....
And I will hope that next time I donot feel so confused in this process....